As obviously noted, this blog has been inactive for a good 4 months or so. Nt liking the layout and lazy to revamp etc, i have shifted to a new location. To mark my re-entry into the e-world. And i sound totally ridiculous.

Visit me at http://sheermystique@blogspot.com. No link here.. i need to brush up on my html again.

Argh. The As have started. And it sucks despite only having taken a single paper. I had high hopes for my GP but for now, I guess it's only right to say goodbye to my A because I definitely screwed it up. I must say it doesn't feel good considering it's a subject I'm supposed to do well in and likely to do well in as compared to all the others...but there it goes. =( Seems like working hard for it has just turned out to be a big mess. Don't even know what to do or think about it. I'm just plain upset though I know I'm not exactly showing it. Sigh.

Anyway it doesn't matter because I can't do anything about it. I'll just carry on working hard for all the rest of it. =/ I can't stand the As and I can't wait for it to be over!!!

Anyway, here's just saying that I really enjoy my friends' company and I had fun studying and going out with them, esp when ti came to celebrating dear Baby's bday and Gloria's. Wouldn't exchange them for the world! =)

I seem to be out of touch with the e-world for such a long time i have no idea what it's like to really be blogging anymore. But no matter, am going to get a new com and sign up for new internet connection all over again. What a troublesome process. Anyway, can't complain. The only complaint I have for the moment lies in that the library is still too cold. What would it do to them to have thermostats? *shakes head*

Anyway, As are drawing near at a rate so quick I have no idea how to deal with it. I can seriously say I'm getting stressed, but I have to continue working.. Blah, that's what the A levels is all about. "Forget Ulyses and the rest,/ Making money is the real test." This will so apply for the future I'm working towards. Not that I'm working towards it, society is making me conform. But if I carry on trying to be who I want to be, then I'll just end up a loser like BKC. Heh. No personal insult hurled against the guy who's "one of Singapore's most promising young poets" but really, get a life! If you can't move on, just stay put. Simple as that.

On another note, must admit that I've been emotionally unsteady. Well, not like crazy-mad kind of unsteady, but unsteady all the same. I realised that it's really hard to put what I want aside in faith of something better happening, and to stand by what I believe in. And the hurt that arrives from this? Immeasurable. But I know time heals all wounds and I hope that this won't actually be as bad as it seems. Still, it's painful...

*freezing* Sometimes I think the school library should have thermostat. Or anything that can help to control the tempertaure, like a remote control for example, which I'm sure is seemingly non-existent here. Right, anyway that's not the point.

Quite a lot of things have happened over the past few weeks, like the wonderful brownies that Vonne and I failed to get but we thought was ultimately hilarious. The childish things that people do to try to make others angry. What's the point of going to such an extent? But it doesn't matter since I am not particularly affected by it. i've got better things to worry about, and them? Well they're not part of my worries, but I'll still pray for them anyway. Haha. So nice of me.

All the prelim results are out. Pretty disastrous if I do say so myself. Was most disappointed in my Econs since I put in so much effort for that, and ended up getting an O. But apparently dear Mrs Tan moderated my grade so that I ended up with an E. So now I got BEE. Funny. But whatever, at least my geog is my redeeming subject. Topped human geog! With 74, but my physical only giot 62.5. Really got to work on that. Anyway although the time left is still short, I can still make the most out of it and make sure that I do well enough to get into my choice of course in uni. *prays hard* Sigh. Not many days left, and the worst is yet to be. Play of words on the renowned motto of a certain independent school that appears to churn out not-so-good people, but I shan't generalise. Yup. Ok, so now I just finished my GP mock exam, wasn't too bad but alright, and need to get down to doing all my Econs stuff to prepare for tution tonight. So many things to do, so little time, but then again, what's new right?

Another thing I've been busying myself with would be certain things for special people. Guess it won't exactly be revealed here but doesn't matter. I've been reminiscing my past 2 years in SA and I think that it's really been a pleasant stay. At the very least, I've learnt a lot and grown a lot too. Sometimes, there's nothing more that I can ask for. And I won't. I've learnt to be content too. =)

Ok everything I typ[ed just got deleted. this computer is so screwed. Whatever. Anyway, welcome me back to the world of blogging in the school library. So welcoming. And I'm so sarcastic in all my comments these days. What's eaten me up? I've just gone through so much over the past week with little food and little rest. And I thought the days after prelims would be slightly better than this and slightly happier. Wrong. Period. Nothing gets better..everything gets worse, point proven in my very own life. And I hate it.

Just when I thought that nothing can go wrong anymore, everything, really everything just escalates in nature and just starts rolling downhill. I hate it. But who'd understand what I'm going through? If I had aliens for parents, it'd still be better thatn what it is now. I suppose. Not like I can change anything about it or that I can run away. If I had the guts I'd probabaly do so. So I'm not so gutsy anymore. Identity-I've lost it all.

I really feel like giving up. Giving up on everything in existence, give up on existence itself, yet I know that I've already come so far and been through so much that I can't afford to do it. But I'm just collapsing. And still going down. Can it get any worse? I really have no idea. Depression- I used to think that I knew what it was, but until I reached this stage where the intensity of a similar situation is so great, I can only break. And now I've really stepped into foreboding gloom. Darkness. Optimism..I don't even see it anywhere in my life anymore. Not at all. Some days..well nevermind. I've even lost my ability to convey my emotions in words. Not that if I can I'd put everything down. It used to be so me to want to just type everything and release it, and so feel better. But not anymore. It's weird, stupid even that now I'd rather choose to go through everything myself. What's the point when nobody can really understand my current state? If only it were just the results. But it's not.

I'm hurt. And the tears can only keep falling.

Another Friday, another day at school, over. =/ Another week nearer to the much dreaded prelims, another week to doomsday. -groan- And I'm nowhere near finishing anything. I've got to speed up. Speaking of speeding up, the whole day today was such a slow and draggy one. Friday the 13th, how apt! Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong, although I have absolutely no belief in that superstition! In a nutshell, Mr Smith is on course, Mr Lian on MC so I only came to school for GP and lit, of which, well, perhaps I'd rather not attend, but that's beside the point. It felt so wasted, especially when I come to school on Fridays for the sake of geog alone. Thankfully Vonnie and I managed to consult him yesterday or we'll be super screwed, which we already are, considering hat we are 3 topics behind time. And seeing that next week is the last week, I can only foresee plenty of make up lessons. Argh.

For my own entertainment, this is just a record of what's been going on: Infatuation is rocketing sky-high at the most unbelievable yet perhaps the most desired places. Mo Qi friends will know this best. It's so wrong yet we get this cheap sense of thrill by doing it. Huh. Speaking of which one mo qi friend is right out there now probabaly distracted by the certain object instead of her work. Right. -shakes head- It's all so wrong, but this just goes to show that all else CMI leaving us to resort to this. What a joke!

For now, I'm off to hit the books, and with the com at home in serious need of aid and the exams round the corner, this blog is now

ON HIATUS

Here I am, doing my GP assignment. That's if anyone believes me, ok so I'm basically multi-tasking, but it doesn't matter, Amazing, amazing, only 11 people are in school today! Wonder what happened to the rest, as though I've got no clue when the asnwer is staring right in my face. Anyway, I had a great 3-period PE today, starting with a 2.4km run which I haven't done in a long time, and also played badminton till my arm is feeling so sore now. Grr. Mrs Goh is taking about blogs now. And speaking of which, Mr Chay was asking if we had blogs, so I am now making it a point to mention his name here to give him some credit for being a nice PE teacher despite being easily-bullied. ;)

Anyway, today's such a slack day, and so much so that I'm wondering why I'm even here in the first place considering that my consultation somewhat got cancelled because my dead teacher was having some meeting. Thanks a lot, but nvm because that left me some free time to do my Econs DRQ which is kind of due tomorrow. What more can be interesting in my life? I shall summarise it as Yvonne says, Studying is the IN thing now. Point proven.